Sung as a duet to the tune of "The Wild Rover":
BOTH:
"I've been a wild LARPer for many a year
And I've spent all my money on physrep and gear.
But now I've return'ed with XP galore,"
MALE:
"And I never shall play Bill McKenzie no more!"
BOTH:
"And it's no, nay, never,
(Well maybe your kilt!)
No nay never, no more,
Will I play Bill McKenzie,
No never, no more."
MALE:
"I want to a temple the Light would frequent
And I said for Carmina that I had been sent
I asked her for nookie, she answered me nay
And I wandered off mutt'ring 'she's probably gay'!"
BOTH:
"And it's no, nay, never,
(Right up St. Cyril!)
No nay never, no more,
Will I play Bill McKenzie,
No never, no more."
MALE:
"I'm twitchy and angry, so listen, take heed:
Just one potion 'gainst Glass magic's all that I need.
I can't pay with money, my purse is too lean,
But I'll show you a good time if you know what I mean."
BOTH:
"And it's no, nay, never,
(Right up St. Cyril!)
No nay never, no more,
Will I play Bill McKenzie,
No never, no more."
FEMALE:
"This pirate's been following me for way too long
And I've tried to convince him what he wants is wrong.
The Light would disown me, my friends stand aghast,
But I have to admit he's got quite a nice..."
BOTH:
"And it's no, nay, never,
(Or maybe just once!)
No nay never, no more,
Will I shag dirty pirates,
No never, no more."